Highs and Lows

July will mark four months being back in the US. I would love to say that it has been an easy, enjoyable time, but that’s not quite true. When we were praying on a rooftop in India on our last night before flying home, I was filled with fire and excitement about what God was doing back home and how I could be a part of it. Then we landed in New York to a very different version of life than how we left it. It didn’t take long for the excitement I felt to fade away.

A few weeks into being back I was stuck at home (yay quarantine) and it was snowy outside. Before I realized what was happening depression snuck in, old sins came knocking, and I sunk into complacency. The fire that had been ignited in my short time on the mission field dwindled down into almost nothing. I felt empty, purposeless, and lost. I couldn’t hear the Lord as clearly as I had. My vibrant life had now taken on shades of gray, and I stopped fighting against it and let it take over. 

Now during all that, the Lord never left me. I know the Bible says he never leaves us or forsakes us, but in the past it had felt like he left. This time I could feel his presence through it all. In the depths of depression I felt him sitting there next to me as an encouraging and loving presence. In my complacency he was waiting for me to call out to him for direction. In my sin he was patiently waiting for me to grow tired of fighting on my own and let him take over. I allowed too much time to pass in that state, but God can redeem it.

As quarantine restrictions started to lift, I went back at work. I thought it would be the answer to my struggles since it would give me something to do and keep me busy. But it didn’t help much at all. It actually made it worse. I would work long shifts alone with very few customers which left me feeling bored. Then my cousin Chase told me he was coming from Michigan to visit us for a few days. Finally, something to look forward to!

Chase and I have been close since we were little. We are both easy going people who enjoy similar things. He told me that after his time in Minnesota he was going to continue out West to visit some friends in various states. A while back he had invited me to go along, but I didn’t know how that would work with my job starting back up so I let the idea go. Then my mom and I were talking and I was complaining about work and life. She looked at me and said, “Why don’t you go on the road trip with Chase?” And I paused, because I didn’t know what to say. (I’m convinced that God speaks right through my mom because the things she says sometimes are directly what the Lord has been trying to tell me but I hadn’t been listening. He uses moms for sure.) After talking with Chase about it, and him saying yes, I felt God nudging me to go, work would be there when I got back, and this road trip would be a great thing for me.

So we packed up and headed out west with a basic itinerary and lots of time. Silly me, I thought it was simply going to be a sightseeing trip that got me out of town. But God had way bigger plans, per usual. 

We started by heading through South Dakota, then into Wyoming where we stayed with some of Chase’s clients from work. He had never met them in person (he does social media work for small businesses), but he had talked with them and they were letting us stay with them. As soon as we pulled into their driveway I knew something was different about them. It didn’t take long to realize that they were believers as well and we dove into some deep theological discussions. I was able to ask them lots of questions about things I had experienced on my mission trip and they gave me answers and things to think about. It was a time of mutual encouragement and sharpening, and I know that God orchestrated that on purpose. As we were leaving their house to continue on, Chase and I shook our heads in amazement at what God had done. And that was only the beginning.

We then drove through Yellowstone and stopped next in Montana. A friend of mine from high school reached out when she saw where I was traveling, and asked if we were coming through Billings, which was exactly where we were stopping next. We were able to stay at her place for two nights which was a blessing to save some money and spend time with her and her husband. I knew they were believers, which led to more deep spiritual discussions. I had a lot of questions so she connected me with her mentor who also encouraged and challenged me. At this point the Lord had caused me to cross paths with five other Christians, and he was softening and changing my heart. 

After Billings we headed to Bozeman for a night and I was able to meet up with an old childhood friend I hadn’t seen or talked to in a long time. He and I spent time catching up which then led to deep spiritual conversations about what I had experienced on the Race and how God was working in my life. Are you seeing a pattern here?

The next leg of our trip took Chase and I through Idaho, Utah, and down to Arizona. One of the things on my bucket list was to see the Grand Canyon. After a talk with my mom she said the best time to see it was at either sunrise or sunset. So I decided sunrise was it for us. We got up at 4 am to make it in time. We found a beautiful spot right at the south rim of the canyon and sat with our coffee, poptarts, and were ready to take in the splendor of the Lord and his creation. It was by far one of the most breathtaking sunrises I’ve ever seen. It was peaceful and my soul couldn’t help but praise God in that moment, and it was great sharing it with my cousin. 

Later that morning, after exploring the southern rim of the Grand Canyon, we packed up and were planning to drive to New Mexico on our way to Colorado. About an hour and a half into our drive, the truck jerked funny and Chase said he thought he popped a tire on his trailer. We pulled off to the side of the freeway and I got out to see what the damage was. Not only had we blown a tire, but both tires on one side of the trailer, and the back leaf spring was mostly gone. Then began a series of phone calls trying to find the parts and someone to come help us put the trailer back together. There was one auto parts store in a small town we had just passed through that happened to have all the parts we needed. They even gave us a phone number to call in case we needed additional parts after they closed. 

It was going to take a few hours for the roadside service guy to get to us due to other calls he had, so Chase suggested we get started while waiting. Chase is in a wheelchair so he can do a lot of the work, but he would have to get down on the ground to do it. I suggested he instruct me so I can do the work instead. (I have just about zero knowledge when it comes to stuff like this, but I figured I could follow directions and give it a shot.) We got the rims off and saw more damage than we had anticitpated which meant another run for parts. Chase called and someone was still at the auto part store two hours after closing and they had the parts we needed yet again. And right as we were going to pick up the parts, a sheriff came to help and make sure traffic saw us, and the roadside service guy came and was able to get started where we had left off. Within an hour the trailer was back in working order and we had a hotel for the night. As the roadside guy was finishing paperwork, he said, “God bless,” and both Chase and I excitedly thanked him and said the same back. Then we drove away.

God showed up all over the place during our breakdown. In the same day we experienced an amazing spiritual high at the Grand Canyon, and a low during a stressful breakdown really far from either of our homes and families. Yet God showed up. He brought both Chase and I to a place where we had no choice but to trust him. I was thinking it all over the next morning when we got back on the road. And what did God whisper to me while I was processing it all? That he was present during both the high and the low. He was there with us for the sunrise, and he was there when we were stuck on the side of the road for hours. 

My sightseeing road trip has turned into one big encounter with the Lord. I no longer feel complacent or depressed, and I feel him reigniting that ember in my spirit. This is not what I thought being Stateside would look like, but I wouldn’t change any part of it. God has been walking me through it all and is teaching me what I need to watch for when I get back from the Race after we relaunch in the near future. This way I can hopefully come through the hard transition back home quicker next time. It has been a hard journey, but the Lord has been changing me through it, not just refurbishing, but completely rebuilding. I am not who I was when I left back in January. And I’m not who I was when I left for this road trip back in June. Sanctification is a process that can be painful and long, but it is worth it. I’m learning to turn to God sooner each time I come to something challenging. I still have my stubborn moments, but He is always patient. I am so thankful for the amazing Christian friends, old and new, that he has put in my life, whether they live in my hometown, a town over, or across the States. 

Reflecting over the last few months I see God all over it. He has never left me or given up on me. And he won’t ever leave or give up on you. Stay strong in the faith and continue to seek him always, in every high as well as every low. He is there through it all.