Why Hope

The time for launch had finally arrived. After months of wondering if I would ever go back on the Race I found myself surrounded by my squad mates back on the AIM campus in Georgia. It was what I had been dreaming of since March. Yet I couldn’t seem to fully feel the excitement of it. 

Things looked very different this time around. We all had to wear masks, we were split into our teams and assigned a square marked in tape on the floor where we had to stay for meals, sessions, and sleeping. We had to stay 6 ft apart from people on other teams when all we wanted to do was hug each other and catch up on the last few months. It was hard. And I allowed these restrictions that were necessary for us to be able to leave the country, to sour my mood. And I would have continued to wallow in my bad mood if God hadn’t begun pointing it out to me, first through a key.

One of the men that works at AIM has a small business called Keys for the Journey. He takes keys and stamps words on them for people to wear as necklaces. You can either choose the word you would like to have on the key, or you can get a prophetic key which he prays over and asks the Lord what word to put on it. I ordered a key so I would receive it at launch and waited to see what it would say this time. (Last year my key said ‘Be’) 

When they were handing out the keys a list of words was playing through my mind. But when I opened the little drawstring pouch, the word on my key wasn’t what I expected. It said “HOPE.”

I remember thinking, “Lord, I have hope. Why do I need to be meditating and focusing on this word right now?” And I didn’t really want to wear it or acknowledge it.

Over the next few days the Lord began to draw my attention to negative thought patterns I had allowed to take root in my mind. At first I brushed it off and didn’t sit with Him to see what he revealed. But then I noticed my team turning my negative comments to positives, and it hit me. Yup, I was being really pessimistic. So finally I surrendered and allowed God to show me what was going on in my heart and mind.

And here’s what He dug up. 

After being pulled off the field in March I had been heartbroken. The Race had been a dream of mine since college and I had finally been able to see that dream become reality. Then it all shattered. Instead of trusting God like I had while on the Race, I built walls around my heart to protect myself from being hurt again. I held excitement and hope at arms length. My subconscious mantra had become “Don’t get your hopes up.”

Then the squad traveled to Guatemala and arrived at our lodging for the first two nights. We had orientation with a group from the AIM base here, and one man, Gabe, got up to speak to us. He started preaching a little and then said he received something from the Lord for those of us who are relaunching. I don’t remember all of it, but one thing stuck out to me. He said that some of us were afraid to get our hopes up because of what had happened last time, but God wants us to get our hopes up.

God reminded me that I can absolutely get my hopes up, as long as my hope is in him. I had allowed my expectations to determine how much I trusted God. Since my expectations hadn’t been met before, I didn’t trust God with my hope for this time. But that’s one of the things I had heard many times: don’t go into this year with expectations because there is no telling what will happen. 

Now God has softened and comforted my broken heart and I am able to fully step into what He has for me this year. I am starting to see how He used my unexpected time at home to prepare me for this year. And there are a lot of people in the community I’m serving in here in Guatemala that need the hope of Jesus.

So I will get my hopes up, because Jesus is my hope!