Known and Loved

It has been almost two weeks since I arrived back in the States, and a few days since coming home to my parents’ house. Quarantine has been an interesting time for sure, and quite the adjustment. But this intentional period of slowing down has given me time to process the last two months abroad. 

I’ll be honest. For the first few days back I avoided processing. I avoided my quiet time with God and quit listening to worship music. I felt peace about coming back for this season, and I trust that God is working in ways I can’t see and don’t understand. But I also felt frustrated and confused. Instead of taking my emotions to the Lord and walking through them with Him, I tried to keep myself busy with meaningless things so I wouldn’t have time to get alone with God. 

He let me do that for a day or two, then when I was talking about the Race with a friend God drew my attention to what I was doing. It felt like when a toddler is throwing a fit and the parent waits patiently through it before asking, “Are you done yet?” God was asking me if I was done avoiding and ready to work through my thoughts and emotions.

While processing with God, he brought to mind some of my favorite memories on the Race. I was blessed with an amazing team and squad, and we got to do and see some amazing things in our short time on the field.

The first memory He brought to me was going to the Taj Mahal. This had been on my bucket list since forever, and that day was one of the best days of my life. My team got up at 4 am to make sure we were ready and there by 5:30. We got in and watched the sunrise shine onto the marble structure. It was just as breathtaking as I had imagined. Since it was early there weren’t as many tourist there yet. We got some amazing pictures and wandered the grounds. It was a special thing to share as a team.

Next He reminded me of my creativity. I love to do art projects, or anything that allows me to think creatively. After a few weeks on the Race I realized that I hadn’t been able to express myself in that way, which left me kind of frustrated. I prayed and asked God to give me an opportunity to draw, paint, etc. The next morning, one of the guys that we had met where we were staying, came up to me and asked if I would help him with something. He didn’t give a lot of detail, but I agreed. A few minutes later he brought me a chalkboard, a bucket of chalk, and said he wanted me to create a chalkboard display that he could put up for Women’s Day. Added bonus: he said I could have as much chai tea as I wanted! I recognized God’s answer to my prayer right away, and I was blown away. Drawing and chai tea? Wow, God!

Then God brought me to one of the harder things to process: being away from my team. In the two months we were together, we grew into a little family. We laughed together, cried together, and encouraged each other to go deeper in our relationships with God. Our morning worship sessions are something I will cherish. These five people are such a blessing to me and I miss them. A lot. I’m thankful for the time God gave us together, but I selfishly wish I had more. 

God used these few memories to remind me of an important truth: I am known and loved by the creator of the universe. He knows the desires of my heart, the passions He gave me, and the things no one else knows. He knew I wanted to see the Taj Mahal and take pictures in front of it while wearing a sari. He knows I love being creative so he gave me a fun project. He knew what I needed to walk through in my relationship with him so he surrounded me with other believers to encourage and love me. 

There are still things I need to work through in the coming weeks; this sudden shift back home has been a lot to take in. God continues to remind me that he is in control, he has a plan, and he knows and loves me as I am. And the same is true for you!